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The Arlington Times
Marysville, Washington
January 5, 2000     The Arlington Times
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January 5, 2000

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5,2000 COLUMNS, HOROSCOPE, CROSSWORD The Arlington Times/The Marysville Globe 4, B5 Silver Linings by Debi Marshall hospital corridors, which ment centers. Most are gone now, and I to stretch forever in everyfeel an aching loneliness deep within my appear abandoned at core; an emptiness at the friends I have late hour on a Friday after- lost; at the thought of what lies ahead. the patients, receptionists, The large, wooden door of the exam- doctors and nurses have ining room swings open and my doctor home, some to finish last- scurries in. She places my chart, which shopping; others to resembles in thickness an unabridged parties. Webster's dictionary, on a desktop and ce off the walls gives me a warm hug. Then, plopping into the empty waiting area a chair, she gazes across the room at me, trepidation towards an exam- her eyes filling with tears. Though Christmas may come "I've just had the most incredible fact remains that I have can- experience," she says in a voice I have continue my battle to live grown to love and trust; a voice I hear the time of year; of what again and again in my head in night's the outside world, darkest hour, encouraging me never to settles into my bones give up, telling me a new treatment is just to barren branches of around the corner. She begins her story efuses to let go. Though I am slowly. fighting this disease "Over a decade ago, I began treating seven years, and my body a 19-year-old woman who was diagnosed Absentmindedly I reach with a malignant brain tumor. Though to the crook of there was little hope, she was bound and someone has just drawn determined to fight, and what happened the bleeding, like the inner after that surprised us all. After much pooling behind my eyes, chemotherapy, she began to improve. to stop flowing. Then, one day she glanced across a I try to recall a time in my crowded room and her eyes were drawn have cancer, but those to those of a stranger. It was love at first gone. I think about the sight, and soon they were married. The I have met on the battle- fact that she was dying didn't matter to as chemotherapy treat- him. What he cared about was the time they had together." She shifts in her chair and pauses, briefly, as I sit mesmerized. "Then, a year ago, the cancer returned with a vengeance. Soon she near- ly lost her ability to speak, but no matter how long it took for her to utter a single sentence, her husband sat patiently, silently beside her. She'd lost so much already. He wasn't about to rob her of the opportunity to communicate with others. As the cancer progressed, he had to miss work more and more frequently to care for his wife. She was growing increasingly confused, and she couldn't be left alone. Though I wrote many letters to his employer on his behalf, money became scarce and I know he often, silently won- dered how they'd ever make ends meet." As she speaks, her voice is filled with emotion. "That Thanksgiving, as my own family gathered around the dinner table, I gave each one a $100 bill and instructed them to 'change some- one's life with this,'" she contin- ues. "I'd been carrying my own $100 around in my pocket for a month, waiting for just the right person to give it to, when this couple came into the hospital for her appointment. Quickly I jotted a note down on a card and gave them the $100. You'd have thought I handed them a rail- It's been a few weeks since that lion dollars, they were so happy." The appointment, yet the story frequently doctor smiles, recalling with great clarity comes lightly back to me, filling my soul the bittersweet joy of the moment, with a gladness I can't quite describe. I "Six months later, at the age of 32, think often about a 19-year-old facing her the remarkable woman passed away." own mortality, about a couple finding Lowering her eyes there is silence for a strength in simply being together, about a few moments. A tear trickles down her doctor whose kindness, whose heart, cheek. "And I know it will take her hus- knows no bounds and I am filled with band the rest of his life to pay off all their hope; with joy that I have walked this bills, but, to him, it was worth it. So, just earth and seen in the eyes of many, a lit- a minute ago, I was surprised to see him tie glimpse of God. standing in the waiting area. When he saw me, he quickly approached and pressed Debi Marshall's award-winning cob something into the palm of my hand say- umn appears in several weekly newspa- ing, 'Change someone's life with this, the pers throughout the west. If you wish to way you changed ours.'" share your story or comments, please Slowly she uncurls her hand, reveal- write Debi in care of this newspaper or ing two crisp, new $100 bills.., email her at silverlini@aoLcom. taking out too many toys at once, overwhelmed at putting them away Raising Kids Dr. Sylvia Rimm pick up her things without having to ask her more than . once? Should I take away a privilege such as watching"Arthur?" --Persevering Morn 2000, Creators Syndicate, Inc. B. Rimm is a child psychologist, a clinical Western Reserve University School of the author of many books on parenting. questions to: Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids, Box 45489, Cleveland, Ohio 44145, or e- Dr. Rimm's web site is Dear Persevering Mom: Your daughter may be taking out too many toys at once, and feeling overwhelmed athaving to put so much ~way.~Rather .. than invoke a teJevi~lon ptin, ishment, allow her to take out one or two things at a time, but before taking any- more out, she must put those away. If that gets too difficult to enforce, you can explain that whatever she doesn't put away, you will, but you will put them out of her reach, and she won't be able to play with them again until she learns to put her toys away. It is best if she just doesn't take too much out, but some- times that just happens. It's also all right if you help her to put things away, but it's not all right if she Sylvia: My 5-year-old daughter is very expects you to do it all. her age, quite literate, and overall, well- tends to take lots of things out and Dear Dr. Sylvia: I have an almost 10-year-old ntly for hours, but does not boy. He always likes to win at games, sports, and so herself without being told and nagged, on. Since kindergarten, we noticed that he cries and "I'm too tired, Morn," or "I just can't," or gets very upset when he loses or something goes I have said that if she wants to play wrong. games, and so on, I expect her to My husband and I try to tell him that winning things isn't everything and to be a good sport even if he on how I can motivate her toloses. Two of the neighbor boys in the same grade, January2-January8 21/April 20 a friend simply or she makes a mistake. doesn't mean to hurt it's easy for you to cor- So, set things it. A loved you romantic advice. plays a key role 21/May 21 let bad news upset you week. You have a lot to People are counting get everything accom- focused, and work dill. how you'll get things friend needs your help problem. Do what or her. 22/june 21 a hectic ahead of It's a good thing that re in your week. So, work hard, yourself. The person been seeing wants to relationship. Say yes, know that this is what too. 22/July 22 Work get You down this It's just a job -- that. There are more things in your life right You should work dill- gently, find true joy in your family family friend turns to you for finan- and friends. That's where your con- cial advice. While you would like to tentment is. Virgo plays an impor- help, don't. Giving your opinion only tant role late in the week. will get you into hot water. Taurus plays a key role on Tuesday. Leo - July 23/August 23 Stand your ground when it comes to sagittarius - Nov 23/Dec 21 a disagreement with a loved one. He Control your temper when it comes or she is trying to make you do to a disagreement with a business something that you really don't associate. Getting angry only will get believe in. Don't let this person get you into a lot of trouble with the away with it. Follow your heart. A higher-ups. So, instead of yelling, close friend needs a shoulder to cry count to 10. It will do wonders for on. Be there for him or her. your career. A friend of a friend reveals his or her true feelings for Virgo - Aug 24/Sept 22 you. Let this person down gently. There is a lot going on this week when it comes to your family, Virgo. Capricorn - Dec 22/Jan 20 Don't let this get you nervous. Your Don't be shy when you run into an loved ones know what they are intriguing person late in the week, doing; let them do it. Don't give Capricorn. Get to know him or her them your opinion unless it is asked better; it definitely will be worth it. for. That special someone has an This could be the one. A close friend important question for you. Be hon- has a surprise for you on Thursday, est when answering him or her. Be prepared for something shock- ing. Pisces plays an important role. Libra - Sept 23/Oct 23 A loved one needs to talk to you Aquarius- Jan 21/Feb 18 about a personal problem. While Take your time when it comes to you don't want to get involved, you making a business decision this must. Listen to what this person has week, Aquarius. A lot of people will to say, and let him or her know what be affected by your choice. So, do you really think. Your honesty will your research; don't just make a be appreciated. Leo plays a key role. snap decision. Turn to a loved one for advice if you need it. He or she Scorpio - Oct 24/Nov 22 won't steer you in the wrong direc- You receive a long-awaited reward tion. early in the week, Scorpio. Enjoy it, because you certainly deserve it. A but younger, call him a "cry baby" when he com- lem. If parents sympathize with them or blame the plains or disagrees with them. My son then comes other kids, they cry more, and kids taunt them more. home crying that they called him a "cry baby." I told If you expected the boy's mother to help you the one mother to tell her son to stop calling my son solve the problem, it would have been appropriate to a "cry baby," and she said in front of me and my son, talk to her without any of the children around. Since who was still sobbing, "Well, look at him." I was so your son was with you, there wasn't an easy way for upset I left her doorstep not knowing what to say. her to explain that you are probably overprotecting She seems to think 9:year-olds should be able to him. I'm not defending the other boys because two work things out themselves, and that all kids fight against one isn't fair. If your son finally gets the and tease, but I don't think so. It was almost as if she courage to say "Cut it out" or "Bug off," that could be was saying to her son, "It's OK to tease." the end of his problem. For now, he'll have to control .... ~ ,The two boys seem to team ~p to be mean ~,nd his crying or walk alone for a while. hurtful to my son. I have tried tO tell my son to stick .... You may wish to remind your son that no one up for himself, to laugh along with them, and don't appreciates a sore loser, so he'll either have to light- take their teasing seriously; or he should just tell en up or be pretty lonely. To build his self-esteem, I them to stop it, or leave. I don't want him to get in a would suggest he develop some interests and hob- physical fight, bies and invite only one boy at a time to play with My son likes to play one-on-one better than with him until he improves his social skills. a group. He can play nicely in groups, because I have The boys who are picking on your son could also seen him. It seems to be this particular boy that my benefit from some social skills training, but I'm not son has a hard time with. I feel that this teasing has sure you'll be able to help with that. hurt my son's self-esteem because he says that no It is important for your son to understand that if one will play with him. We try to remain understand- he truly feels physically threatened by other children, ing to him and try to help him, but I am open for any he should report any real threats to you immediately. suggestions from you. He should not be considered a cry baby if there are --Morn Who's Tired of the Teasing true problems, but helping him separate poor sports- manship from real cruelty is important. Dear Mom Who's Tired of the Teasing: Nine- year-old kids who cry when they don't get their way are often called cry babies by their friends, and if parents simply tell them that losing is nothing to cry about, they usually get over the prob- Anmer on Page B7 14 17 i 2O 23 -------., 25 Z6 27 29 30 131 I2 Pisces - Feb ]9/March 20 While you would like to help an~-"-- ~'-'"-- --'--"----" acquaintance in need, don't get __ ...... involved in the situation. There is 41 "much more going on here than 4-'-" "--------- ,-, ---------"-- meets the eye. That special, some- one stops calling. 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